Reply To: Mental health affected by caring

[amanda]

I can see your argument in favour of caring both for partner and friend – not entirely sure I agree with it, but I do see your point of view.

However, may I take issue with something?

All the way through your posts I can see (completely reasonably I point out straight away)! that you are appalled at the low/absent level of ‘state support’ provided (or rather, NOT provided!) to those in ill health (whether physical or mental).

However, I hate to say this, but but but ….there really is NO point ‘railing’ against this! Yes, of course there SHOULD be lots more support. The UK SHOULD provide sufficient local authority housing so there are no homeless people. The UK SHOULD close its borders so that we don’t take in a quarter of a million new residents EVERY YEAR who, yup, ALL need housing and health care and schools for their children etc etc. The list of ‘shoulds’ is endless!

But we don’t. So, for citizens, what can we do? Protest, yes, vote, yes, but other than that, ‘railing’ just adds to our distress.

Obviously one needs to ensure that what there IS available, however, limited, is ‘screwed down’ to you – ie, you are getting what pathetic ‘maximum’ actually is ‘out there’, but other than that, I do feel that simply being angry with what is NOT out there, only adds to YOUR distress……

I’m not trying to sound unsympathetic, truly I’m not, and it’s all very well for me, I know, I am not facing what you are facing, but I do see this somewhat in my own family. My niece with chronic depression does keep ‘bewailing’ that more help is not ‘out there’. She says ‘I go to the doctors and ask and ask for help, and they just don’t help me’!!! Well, the explanation is two-fold – either there is no funding for you, or there is nothing more that psychiatry can do for you.

In the end, most of our lives are in our own hands, our own choices. If you do want to continue looking after your friend as well, then that IS your choice, ditto with your partner. Yes, the ‘state support’ you get is totally inadequate, but will listing all the ‘shoulds’ change a thing??? (If it makes you feel you’ve ‘vented’ then yes, fine, it’s done some good – if it just ‘feeds your anger and pain’ then I would question that, alas.)

Maybe, somewhere inside, we all have to accept that life is ‘unfair. I think because we live in a wealthy country compared to most, it can be ‘extra galling’ to see good money wasted on rubbish (Brexit negotiations, HS2, blah blah blah – the list of wasted tax payers money is horrendous!), but what can we actually DO about it? My husband died in his fifties because the UK does not spend enough money on cancer prevention/early diagnosis/treatment. It’s that simple, that brutal. That’s why I’m a widow now. Your life is hellish for the same reason of total chronic underfunding.

Does it help us cope with what we have to cope with by getting angry? I’m genuinely not sure.