Reply To: How to deal with inner demons?

[isac90]

This is why my spouse and I have agreed that neither one of us can be the recovery barometer for the other person… I love having her support, and she mine, and we both give it as much as we can… but as individual addicts she and I both can have crappy days and want to take it out on others.

We have to make sure both she and I are taking on our day in a healthy manner first and foremost for ourselves, and then for the coupleship. Like putting pants on before shoes. When she has a shoes-first day, I have to be solid in my recovery, because I may not have her smiling-happy-joyful spousal support that day, or at least not until she susses out her issues. Sometimes there’s a legitimate issue for me to look at and make amends for, too, and that is where my daily inventory can help me out. Sometimes, though, she just feels like an idiot for walking around pantsless, and I’m a convenient target to aim at. I say it with some humor not because suffering verbal abuse and/or crappy comments from a spouse is necessarily funny, or should be tolerated unabated – and I certainly don’t know your exact personal situation with your spouse – but it’s funny how often I have to remind myself that I do this for myself, whether my partner is being a warm, supportive, nurturing friend… or an insufferable, mean-spirited jerk.

I hope you had a better day today!!!