Reply To: Realization son is addicted

[sammy]

First off, he’s at that age when every kid wants to break away from his parents and be independent, and from what you described, he doesn’t sound that different than a lot of kids today, or really that much different than a lot of kids ‘yesterday.’ Any animosity or bad behavior toward you is likely more age related than computer ‘addiction’ related, in my opinion.

From what you said, it sounds like you only had good intentions for your son, funding his education, room and board and an expensive computer. And it sounds like he’s not getting the connection between hard work and reward. He might just need a metaphorical ass-kicking.

Now every family is different, but for me, I didn’t really have an appreciation for the things I had… car, place to live, food, insurance, etc., until I had to start paying for it myself. My parents, while I lived at home, started making me pay my car insurance first. Then I started paying for my books for school, then tuition and then I started paying for my own meals ( I ate out a lot during college years). I also started working when I was 15 at my parent’s business, then at 16 I got a job at a burger place and then started working for a company at 17, and worked up through college. Before long, I had a good appreciation for the NEED to work if I wanted to have things. By providing everything your son needs out of love, maybe it’s just enabling his behavior. Maybe… again, every family is different.

Perhaps you could start by shifting some of his expenses to him gradually. A good place to start would be his cell phone if he has one and if you pay for it. Make him pay his monthly fee or part of it, and he’ll learn quickly that he either works to pay his phone bill or he won’t have a phone. This will force him to make a choice… either play online, or work to pay bills for things he wants to have.

Also, working for and paying one’s own way is good for his self-esteem, something that a lot of people with serious addictions don’t have.

Just some thoughts 🙂