December 28, 2017 at 4:25 pm #57kerry12 Posts
Do I deal with my inner demons,or let them consume me?
Woke up today with inner turmoil. It’s a familiar feeling.
Tension that feels like it will consume me.
I’ve found escapest methods of coping with that, rather than treating the root. I’ve really no idea what the root is. I’ve been through a thourogh examination of my past experiences and how they’ve influenced my life. There’s been pain in my past, but again, most everyone everyone has. I’ve had times when I experienced long episodes of sadness/depression, but they were always based around a situation like, breakup or fight with friend or lonliness from living in an unfamiliar place without support.
I have a pretty stable life now. People around me who care. A family who loves me. But those intense feelings of sadness still come. Some of that is situational too. I made a mess for myself with my excessive gaming that I am slowly digging out of.
So, what works for me:
* Knowing that tension, bad feelings are temporary, feelings come and go. I recognize that when i feel bad, I remind myself that it’s not always gonna feel like this.
*I take moment to close my eyes and step back to collect myself. Centering? I don’t know what it’s called but I am sure there is a fancy term for it somewhere..lol. I take some deep breaths and try to clear my mind. I’ve found that is about the best way for me to deal with times that sudden mind chaos invades.
*Change what I am doing. If I go for a walk, or another room, start another activity, sometimes that interrupts the flow of bad thoughts,
Dwelling on them doesn’t usually help much.
k.. thanks for listening to my ramble.December 28, 2017 at 4:26 pm #58sammy18 Posts
Sounds like a good strategy to me – accepting what we can’t change, changing what we can. Hugs and a prayer for you.December 28, 2017 at 4:28 pm #59sammy18 Posts
I sure can relate to this. I too have found that those things work for me, you know, the “it’s not always gonna feel like this” reminder, centering and changing what I’m doing.
I did a quick poll on your question at my work place, Do I deal with my inner demons,or let them consume me? Here’s the results:
79% Deal with my inner demons
7% Let them consume me
14% Consume my inner demons
“Deal with my inner demons” is the clear winner here.
So… of course, I want to share what has helped me. There is one thing that not only helped me with my inner demons, but also brought me to awareness of inner demons that previously I didn’t know were there AND helped me to see the root AND helped me to find a way forward to heal from the past trauma. I’d like to suggest this one thing, but this is the atheist and agnostic discussion forum, so I can’t. 🙁
But, anyway, it definitely sounds like you are on the right track! Keep it up!December 28, 2017 at 4:29 pm #60beth6 Posts
@kerry thanks for the great suggestions. All good. 🙂
@sammy I would vote for cutting the heads off the inner demons, sucking out the brains, etc. But they are so hard to actually catch….
And I’m intrigued by your concept that certain things can’t be said. My understanding is that we are all allowed to speak from our own experience as long as we don’t sharpen the knives and begin striking out…. 🙂December 28, 2017 at 4:32 pm #61dave17 Posts
Everyone suffers in this life. More power to those who find positive solutions. It’s so easy to be down on ourselves but we also need to laugh at ourselves and see the humour in life.December 28, 2017 at 4:33 pm #62peter5 Posts
I have lots of addictions. A big boost for my recovery came when somebody brought to my attention the prevalence of “combat language” that I used when I talked about my addiction. I was always fighting this or that – frequently myself, it turns out – always doing battle and waging war against my urges. I would don my armor and go in swinging… unfortunately, my armor looked suspiciously like many of my worst character defects – defensiveness and righteousness, and “should” and “must” language.
Then and now it’s the same for me: splitting myself into two parts, labelling them as addict/non-addict, and then duking it out armored to the hilt, only ends up making me feel just as incomplete, battle-weary, spiritually seperate, and exhausted as my addiction ever has. A recovery text I like to use tells me that my addiction is a part of me, not a seperate diseased entity that I can simply single out and remove with a scalpel, like a bad spleen. I suppose I’m saying that I’ll always have the demons around – need them around, in fact – to be a complete person. Recovery simply shows me that I don’t need to give them the time of day. Not today, at least.
Instead, I can look to the spiritual solution for a daily reprieve from any misguided self-conquest I might feel like dutifily embarking on.December 28, 2017 at 4:35 pm #63karen11 Posts
What a wonderful thread. I benefit from your wisdom, and it helps to get a reminder that I am not alone.
I do have this other voice in my head, which sometimes — but only sometimes — is able to help me when I start going crazy. I do not perceive it as being my own. Rather, it’s a composite of two people I interacted with last year who had an impact on me. It’s very friendly, supportive, and nonjudgmental, yet at the same time coolly rational, detached and with an ironic sense of humor. It asks questions rather than tells me what to do. Sometimes this works: it cuts right through the craziness. Sample: yesterday I was in a really bad mood, and when the kids were playing with my husband, I went into my spiral of “I’m a terrible mother, nobody needs me, the kids would be better off without me” — you get the idea. Voice: “So, you want your kids to need you every moment of the day?” Um, no. That would not be a good thing. Voice: “Do you seriously think that your kids’ life would be better if you were to die today? In what way?” Um, no. Not really. End of bullsh**.
I don’t know why I’m posting this here. It’s probably not useful advice, because I could not have generated this voice by myself. And I can’t call on it consistently (I could for a while, but not anymore).
Anybody know a therapist like that, perhaps?December 28, 2017 at 4:36 pm #64jim4 Posts
That’s so cool, Operetta! It’s fabulous advice as far as I’m concerned. And I know what you mean about not being able to access it consistently. That frustrates me, but still, I’m so grateful for those times when I can. One day at a time.December 28, 2017 at 4:36 pm #65ritchy4 Posts
I have a small voice, too. It is very quiet, and doesn’t even speak in words. More feelings, or an overall sense of things. Sometimes I ignore it. I am always sorry. And when I heed it, I am always glad. I wish my drunken monkey voice would be quiet more often so that I could hear the quiet one better.December 28, 2017 at 4:38 pm #66karen11 Posts
I have a small voice, too. It is very quiet, and doesn’t even speak in words. More feelings, or an overall sense of things. Sometimes I ignore it. I am always sorry. And when I heed it, I am always glad. I wish my drunken monkey voice would be quiet more often so that I could hear the quiet one better.
@ritchy Mine speaks in words. Very specific words, very specific intonations. And sometimes it says the most surprising things. I don’t even understand where they come from. Is that what people mean when they say they hear voices?.. And like you, I don’t always heed it. But it reminds me that I have a choice.December 28, 2017 at 4:40 pm #67isac903 Posts
This is why my spouse and I have agreed that neither one of us can be the recovery barometer for the other person… I love having her support, and she mine, and we both give it as much as we can… but as individual addicts she and I both can have crappy days and want to take it out on others.
We have to make sure both she and I are taking on our day in a healthy manner first and foremost for ourselves, and then for the coupleship. Like putting pants on before shoes. When she has a shoes-first day, I have to be solid in my recovery, because I may not have her smiling-happy-joyful spousal support that day, or at least not until she susses out her issues. Sometimes there’s a legitimate issue for me to look at and make amends for, too, and that is where my daily inventory can help me out. Sometimes, though, she just feels like an idiot for walking around pantsless, and I’m a convenient target to aim at. I say it with some humor not because suffering verbal abuse and/or crappy comments from a spouse is necessarily funny, or should be tolerated unabated – and I certainly don’t know your exact personal situation with your spouse – but it’s funny how often I have to remind myself that I do this for myself, whether my partner is being a warm, supportive, nurturing friend… or an insufferable, mean-spirited jerk.
I hope you had a better day today!!!
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